I guess I should give myself a bit of a break. I'm beating myself up for not being able to sit down and write anything and I am starting to wonder if perhaps I'm being too hard on myself. (Parenthetically, I'm also wondering if I've used the words "I'm" and "myself" too much in this post already). (Of course, I then wonder if I've used forms of "wonder" too often and then whether "I'm" should be considered one word or two).

This morning was the three-week anniversary of my mother's death and I'm still finding myself haunted by it. I catch myself thinking about calling her, only to remember that she won't be there to answer. That makes me very sad.

The whole melancholy that has settled on my soul is making it very hard for me to sit down and try to write. Writing requires energy, maybe even joy, and I have little of either right now.

Should I beat myself up about it? Probably not. Should I give in to it? No. Maybe I just need to let myself wander to whatever tasks or vocations attract me in a particular moment and not worry too much about it.

That sounds about right.

Tags: Phillip Gold